I love this commercial! It cracks me up every time I watch it. I often think we need to look at our quest for success and growth in the same way that children approach these things. The thing I love about young kids is that they just ask the question, they don’t worry about whether or not they look foolish, and they don’t have self-limiting beliefs—they just believe they can!
I love asking my kids what they want to be when they grow up. I will often get some audacious answers—professional rock climber, movie star, astronaut, and yes, even the President of the United States (unfortunately, that one is only an option for our youngest since she was the only one born in the U.S.)!
As the late Zig Ziglar stated, “It’s impossible to consistently behave in a manner inconsistent with how we see ourselves.” In other words, we can do very few things in a positive way if we feel negative about ourselves. Last week we discussed that we need to be intentional about our development. John Maxwell teaches that growth doesn’t just happen. In order to begin our journey of growth, we need to look within, see ourselves for who we are, and visualize our potential.
David Sandler, the founder of Sandler Training, had an enlightening method for addressing challenges. He said this: “What you ‘R’ is not who you ‘I.’” Sandler believed that we enter the world as an I-10. That is, each of us arrives with a built-in self-esteem (Identity) of 10. He also knew that along the trials and tribulations of life, we may begin to forget we’re a 10 and may allow life’s experiences (Roles) to affect our outlook. Sandler’s message was simply to separate your “I” from your “R.”
In other words, you are who you are—not what you do for a living.
In the end, you need to guard your “I,” as you will never be able to outperform your self-image. Furthermore, you shouldn’t be too concerned about what others think of you, as it’s far more important what you think about yourself. If you want to become the person you have the potential to become, you must believe that you can!
A UCLA survey from some years ago reported that the average one-year-old child hears the word “No” more than 400 times a day. You might think this is an exaggeration, but consider this: when my children were very small and were doing something they weren’t supposed to, I would never say “No” just once, but I would usually say “No, No, No!”
And as our children grow older, the answers of “No” keep coming. In fact, in their book The Answer, businessmen/authors John Assaraf and Murray Smith talk about the negative messages children receive growing up. The authors write, “By the time you’re 17 years old, you’ve heard “No” an average of 150,000 times. In contrast, you’ve heard “Yes, you can” 5,000 times.” That’s 30 No’s for every Yes, creating a powerful belief of ‘I can’t.’
What a tremendous challenge and a lot of negativity to overcome! If we want to change our lives, we have to change the way we think about ourselves. And if we want to change the way we think about ourselves, we need to change the way we talk to ourselves. I wrote a series of blog posts on self-limiting beliefs if you wish to explore this subject further:
The Power of Positive Affirmations
You must learn to become your own encourager, your own cheerleader. Catch yourself doing something right and acknowledge it!
Every time you do a good job, don’t just let it pass; give yourself a “pat on the back.” Each time you choose discipline over indulgence, recognize that you made a great choice and that you are one step closer to reaching your full potential. Every time you make a mistake, don’t continuously beat yourself up and harp on other mistakes you might have made in the past; tell yourself that you will learn to do better next time.
Every positive thing you can say to yourself will help. Growth starts and ends with our perceptions of ourselves. With every positive step you take forward, you are growing and moving closer to your true potential and to the person you want to become. And back to the great commercial above—you too can be the starting quarterback of your success!
Sean, great article!! As a Sandler trainer, I encourage and reinforce to all my cleints our “I/R” rule, “people perform their roles in a manner of how they see themselves conceptually.” I-10’s perform like an I-10 and often, sadly, I-5’s perform like I-5’s. I believe one main reason salespeople won’t cold call is the fear of that “no” word and therefore take that “no” on their “I/self-esteem” side. That fear inhibits their behaviors( picking up the phone), to do what’s necessary to be successful. I always coach cleints, “prospects say no to “what you offer” ( your role), not to “who you are” (your self-identity).”