“Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning.” – Bill Gates
You made a mistake. I mean, you really messed up. Something’s gone horribly wrong, and you have to pay the piper.
Ever been there? Perhaps you lost a big account, forgot to do a critical part of that big project, or weren’t there for people when they needed you. Regardless of the details, someone trusted you to do a job—and you failed.
When we fail, our instinctive first reaction is to find someone or something else to blame. We want to justify our shortcomings, and we try to “duck and cover” to protect our rear ends from incoming blame. Depending on how badly we screwed up, we start envisioning the end of our jobs, careers, relationships, or reputations.
The problem with dodging the proverbial bullet is that the bullet is still flying and still needs to be dealt with. If you happen to dodge the bullet of blame, it has probably hit someone else, thus putting your relationships and reputation at risk. In addition, you may have deflected enough attention from the mistake itself that the problem doesn’t get addressed and fixed at all, leaving you vulnerable to making the exact same error again.
Conversely, admitting your mistakes puts you closer to dealing with them and can often be the first step toward a successful turnaround and an eventual positive outcome. Most important, you will show yourself to be someone who possesses integrity and emotional fortitude, doing the right thing even in the face of potential disastrous consequences. Owning up to our mistakes allows us to take responsibility for our lives and avoid becoming victims of circumstances.
So how can we use mistakes to strengthen our character on the road to success? Here are five tips for turning mistakes into victories:
1. Own our mistakes.
We need to take responsibility, owning our problems and the corresponding solutions. Do not try to find someone or something to blame. Even if your failure came about because someone let you down, own the fact that you are ultimately the person responsible for the project or business—the buck stops with you.
Accept the consequences of the mistake—this can be hard, but sometimes we have to bite the bullet and be prepared to embrace whatever befalls us as a result of the mistakes we’ve made. In the long run, we’ll be more respected by those around us for our willingness to take responsibility.
2. Always be sincere when admitting our mistakes.
When delivering an apology, don’t act fake or pretend to feel sympathy. The person or people receiving the apology will be looking for signs that you mean what you’re saying. The first step in being sincere is putting yourself in the other person’s position in order see how things look from his or her vantage point. For example, if you’ve made a promise and failed to keep it, how would you feel? What would your response be if you were the other person? And what action would satisfy you? Recognizing the pain you’ve caused shows that you realize your mistakes affect more people than just you.
3. Show what we’ve learned.
A good apology explains what happened and why without passing blame. It’s always best to start out with why you made your original decision and the logic leading to that selection. Once you’ve explained your rationale, discuss what you learned about what happened, why your decision did not work, and how that new information will guide you as you move forward in the future. With any mistake, no matter how small, there is always a way to prevent it from happening again.
4. Make proactive changes.
Talk is cheap. Taking responsibility means being prepared to clean up the mess. People need to see that we will actually follow through on our commitments to fix our mistakes. We should have a clear idea of what went wrong and a clear plan about how to fix it. When you outline your plan for change, make sure to mention any steps you have already taken to fix the mistake and prevent it from happening again in the future.
5. End on a positive.
When you talk about a mistake, acknowledge anyone who might have been harmed in the process and apologize. Often a simple “I’m sorry” allows all parties to move forward and can help neutralize hard feelings. Always bring the conversation back to what you’ve learned and how you plan to use the experience as an opportunity to grow.
In conclusion, none of these tips will prevent the worst from happening—but, by taking full responsibility for your mistakes and acting appropriately, you’ll have set yourself on a path to failing successfully. We all make mistakes, and we need to learn from those mistakes and take note so that we don’t repeat them. Mistakes can be great learning experiences—though they are painful, they are also extremely valuable.
You can’t change what’s been done; you can’t go back in time. All you can do is learn from your mistakes and become a better person. Admitting your mistakes is not a sign of weakness; rather, it shows deep courage and strength.
